i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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