You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
