Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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