its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Life is so much better after having sex.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
