dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
