Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
