Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
