Having a random hookup so left but love u
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I supernannyed him into submission
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
