At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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