I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Dear god my vagina.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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