i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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