I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
