I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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