Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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