Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
