If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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