I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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