I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
