i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
