I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
