My girlfriend figured out who you are.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
