Who did Billy Mays play for?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
