But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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