how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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