I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
