So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
