HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
