I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
