I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
