stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
