I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
