we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Brb crying the tears of my youth
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
