grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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