I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
