something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
