Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I believe in your delicious
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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