You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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