chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
