There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
