How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
