look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
