this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You're like the curious george of whores
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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