omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
