he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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