dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
