I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
