I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
