i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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