All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
