sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
