I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Everyone says I win the strip club
Randomize
