pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
